Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Why! Why! Why!

Yesterday was not a banner day in regards to scenery here at work. There seems to be this disturbing trend going on: people who shouldn't be wearing skin-tight clothing with sexually suggestive text are wearing skin-tight clothing with sexually suggestive text. If your ass can fit two or three hot, sexy asses inside of it's gravitational pull - don't wear sweats with the letters "Just Do It" cheaply ironed on their backside. If you look like a pear with two straws jammed in the bottom for legs - don't wear a T-Shirt with the Tootsie-Pop dude and turtle with the line "Wanna Lick?". If you look like a meatball on top of two chicken wings - don't wear a t-shirt two sizes too small just because it shows your "tramp stamp". Good lord... And if you are a 8-17 year old you do not need to be wearing clothing with words like "HOTTIE", "SMOKIN'" or words that basically are the equivalent of "have intercourse with me" stamped across your chest.

The only saving grace of yesterday's nausea was the incredibly cute blond who thought I was talking to her (when I was really talking to a co-worker).

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Yet another Windows annoyance

My laptop is an older Presario 730US (aka the crotch cooker) with only 256MB of RAM and limited disk space. It came with XP Home pre-installed which I used one of my "Upgrade" licenses for XP Professional on. Compared to the workstations I have at work and home it is quite slow; 4200 RPM drive and realistically base memory for XP. Needless to say I run the laptop as bare as possible. One of the things I found recently was is you turn "Automatic Updates" off you save 8-13MB of memory. Yeah that seems like nothing compared but years of mainframe and other systems analyst work I have done over the years knows better; every little bit counts. For example; you can save large chunks of memory in CICS by making required programs resident so they don't load on 4K page boundaries but load compacted behind each other (you see the same thing in the Windows world where software products will state "Load Faster" but what they are doing is loading .dll files and crap into memory and leaving them there; so yeah their product will load faster but do you really need that there all the time taking up memory that can be used elsewhere). When it came to Automatic Updates, there are more powerful workstations with that setting "On" so when they download and install updates I would plan to do the same manually on the laptop. At least that was the idea.

I knew an update recently came down from the Land 'O Gates so I tried to use Windows Update.

The site cannot continue because one or more of these Windows services is not running:

  • Automatic Updates (allows the site to find, download and install high-priority updates for your computer)
  • Background Intelligent Transfer Service (BITS) (helps updates download more quickly and without problems if the download process is interrupted)
  • Event Log (keeps a record of updating activities to help with troubleshooting, if needed)
When I go to services, all three are started. Okay, WTF? So I go to Security Center and turn "Automatic Updates" back on. The laptop pretty much slows to a crawl as the computer goes out and does something (I assume since the CPU fan sounds like a jet plane and the hard drive light is almost constantly on that it's downloading updates and installing them. Yup. There's the bubble. Two security, one Windows XP, WGA and the Malicious Software Removal Tool (hey, remove WGA for me).

Of course the point of this long rant is I lose a bit of functionality and have to accept yet another thing on my computer that is not needed all the time and plays a very small part in the performance of the laptop.

Even better; restart is required - which means it will f'ing nag me every fifteen minutes. How f'ing annoying...

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Dear husband

Dear Husband:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.

These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Your EX-Wife

Dear Ex-Wife

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess.

I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

Signed Rich As Hell and Free!

Learn Chinese in 5 minutes

That's not right
Sum Ting Wong
Are you harbouring a fugitive
Hu Yu Hai Ding
See me ASAP
Kum Hia
Stupid Man
Dum Fuk
Small Horse
Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach
Wai Yu So Tan
I bumped the coffee table
Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
I think you need a face lift
Chin Tu Fat
It's Very dark in here
Wai So Dim
I Thought you were on a diet
Wai Yu Mun Ching
This is a tow away zone
No Pah King
Our meeting is scheduled for next week
Wai Yu Kum Nao
Staying out of sight
Lei Ying Lo
He's cleaning his automobile
Wa Shing Ka
Your body odor is offensive
Yu Stin Ki Pu
Fa Kin Su Pah

Thursday, July 13, 2006

The World Cup, is over

Well the FIFA 2006 World Cup (soccer) is over and Germany can get back to normal after Italy defeated France in the final 5-3 on penalty kicks after player the full ninety minutes and both overtime periods tied at one. Germany (the host country) beat Portugal in the consolation game to come in third. This World Cup will certainly have some lasting memories; unfortunately a number of them aren't positive.

The moment where retiring French midfield virtuoso Zinedine Yazid Zidane ran in front of Italian defender Marco Materazzi, turned, then gave him a running head-butt in the chest; will leave the ugliest mark. Did he call Zidane "the son of a terrorist whore"; we will never know. This won't stop FIFA, however, from stepping in and investigating Zidane and possibly taking away his golden ball (for being voted best player in the 2006 World Cup by journalists) and investigating Materazzi. It was a sad way to end a historic career but Zidane could have done far worse by ignoring him, creating a confrontation on the field (cautions would have been issued to each), winning the match for France, and then letting the rest of the hyperventilating, religious fanatical world know exactly what Materazzi said.

The 2006 World Cup will also be remembered for the sheer number of ejections and cautions issued by the tournament's referees; and in tangent the hysterics of some noted players. England's Wayne Rooney will be remembered for stomping on Portugese player Ricardo Carvalho's junk. Portugal's Cristiano Ronaldo will be remembered for his "gamesmanship" (sissy flops) and for netting the winning penalty kick against England to put them out of the tournament. Did I mention Cristiano plays for Manchester United in the English Premiership? There was a lot of "gamesmanship" in this World Cup after an apparent drop from the last tournament. Opinions differ to the accepted level of "gamesmanship"; I fall dead on the side of "I hate it and it is ruining the sport". The Nike Jogo Bonito (the beautiful game) commercials leading up to the World Cup were prompting professionals to play beautifully and cut the crap – they seemed to have little effect. Call them "fouls" if you must but every time I see the acting and the attempts to embellish and the outright flops I just want to puke (especially if they lead to a goal). In almost every sport there is "gamesmanship" where you try to earn the foul to put your team in a prime position but too many take it too far.

For us Americans, it seems like the majority of us didn't give a crap about the 2006 World Cup. Many radio personalities and writers, sports and non-sports, couldn't wait to let loose about how boring soccer is and how nobody cares about the sport, etc. When the United States squad faltered out in miserable fashion many of the same writers were quick to judge things. But wait, I thought you didn't care about the sport – why do you continue to write about it? I don't get it.

When discussing the almost complete failure (they tied Italy, so it wasn't a complete failure) of the US Men's National Team there was plenty of blame to go around. Every player on the field shoulders the blame. The coaches should shoulder the blame. What happened? Instead of pointing fingers (I've already done that elsewhere, hee hee) I just want to thank former Columbus Crew and current USMNT and Fulham FC forward Brian McBride because he deserved better than this.

Yeah, the FIFA 2006 World Cup is over. In 2010 there will be another one with numerous friendly and qualifying matches leading up to it. Hopefully 2010 will bring a better feeling to the sport I grew up with and came back to.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Another holiday

Another holiday down the tubes. I pretty much slept through most of it and spent the rest with the dog or in front of the computer. Flush.